Monday was 14 days. I celebrated quietly, over a big steak.

Yesterday was 16 days. Being a card-carrying member of the .5% of the universe card, I said nothing.

Today, though, it’s 17 days with no symptoms, you know, other than that pesky daily 5AM anxiety wakeup call.

So my reasoning goes like this: if I’ve jinxed myself by mentioning the no symptoms thing, well, at the very least now I’ll have ensured my place in the annals of Anisakis history. Mmmm, annals.

Thanks everyone who particiapted in the Parasite Watch ’06. And cook your halibut right!

The pathology report came back. It’s Anisakis simplex, also known as herringworm. Really freaking easy to kill, if you COOK YOUR FOOD. Someone in the kitchen that night screwed up bigtime – according to the FDA, this is not a thing commonly found in restaurants.

The good news is, other than the worst tension headache I’ve ever had, I feel fine. My stomach is definitely upset, but unless it gets much more severe, I’ll chalk it up to stress.

The bad news is that it can take as long as two weeks for Anisakiasis (that is, the infection caused by ingestion of Anisakis) to manifest.

The other good news is, there have only been 50 cases reported in the US, pretty much ever.

But then the other bad news is it often gets totally misdiagnosed as a bunch of other awful things, so who knows how accurate any of this is. They can definitively diagnose Anisakiasis when, you know, you cough up some nematodes.

So. That’s that.

When you spend four hours in the emergency room with some worm-infested fish in a bag, everyone is your friend, and is also an amateur scientist. Everyone.

I won’t mention the name of the restaurant, because I would own its search results within two hours. It’s probably not appropriate to list here. If you really must know, ask me in person or email. I’ll be happy to tell you. It’s a nice restaurant.

The halibut was delicious. From Alaska, fresh, and apparently never frozen. Apparently never fully cooked, either. Between two lobes of flesh, about 2/3rds of the way through the filet, a wiggly pink ~1″ worm was quite comfortably nestled. Actually, later in the ER, one of my eagle-eyed junior scientist neighbors noticed that there were two, happily wriggling around the remaining piece of uneaten fish.

What a freaking night. We drove straight to the hospital, where we watched two hours of South Park, and they carried my worm off in a little dated and numbered cool-whip specimen container. So now I’ve got a date with the LA County department of public health, as well as a follow-up with my friendly neighborhood infectious disease specialist. Stunning.

The good news is, normally the symptoms for this manifest within a couple of hours. It’s all treatable, and if I actually did manage to ingest a friend of the fully living, third-larval stage parasitic nematode that I got to bring home from the restaurant, well, at least it’s tremendously rare to experience severe symptoms.

Overwhelming anxiety and a phobia of anything related to Google Image Search Results for “Pseudoterranova decipiens” do not apparently count as symptoms.

There’s humor in this. The scene I made in the restaurant was pretty good. And oh, later, at the ER? The part where the psycho looking homeless guy comes in, carrying a paper, sits down two seats away from me, and within 30 seconds, slams the paper as hard as he can, right down on the baggie containing my worm? Comedic gold.

“Uh, hey…”

“Oh, was that yours?”

I guess you had to be there.

“Right rectangular lattice.”

youtube is SO not ready for that video.

And there are so many wonderful unique little pockets, all over. Think Mexicali in Studio City, where the beautiful undiscovered people go for the best fajitas and margaritas in LA, or for the screenwriter set, there’s Aroma, a cafe/bookstore hybrid with the side benefit of friendly, talented, and great-looking staff, any of whom might burst out with an aria or a pop song at any moment. These places have been a bit harder to find in West LA, but finding them is so worth it. (I’ll save you some time here, Ray makes the world’s best drip coffee and almond steamers over at Cafe Balcony).

For one reason or another, we’ve been spending a lot of time up and down the Wilshire corridor lately, around and about Rodeo Drive. It’s not like the Crate and Barrel on Beverly carries anything that’s different from any other Crate and Barrel, but when you’ve got the choice between lunch on Rodeo or battling the madding crowds of the Grove, well… I don’t really mind great shops with good service. Plus, the homeless in Beverly Hills are way more polite.

I’m not alone in this preference, either. Just so you know, two weeks ago, that was totally Paris Hilton driving her silver Bentley down Wilshire. Living in LA does things to your mind, causes you to recognize things people in other parts of the world simply don’t notice. In this case, the thought process went: OOoo, pretty silver Continental GT… two blonde chicks inside, the driver has a half dissolved red lollipop in one hand. HEY, that’s Paris Hilton! Paris Hilton likes RED LOLLIPOPS. There’s a world of rude commentary that could be made, but I’m going to take the high road, here. After all, I like red lollipops too.

Friday night, Mike and I found ourselves in Beverly Hills again. We couldn’t resist stopping in the Williams-Sonoma there. We wandered in to look at the apple peelers. See, at the end of the day, one apple peeler is a lot like the next apple peeler. You can buy one at any Williams-Sonoma. You can even order one online. They’ll be the same, the whole world over. But then, the difference is in the story surrounding that apple peeler, and that’s the thing you won’t get at the Williams-Sonoma in Skokie (sorry Tarpy).

After shutting down the store, we wandered out onto the sidewalk, and headed towards the garage. We found ourselves right behind a pretty typical sight in Beverly Hills. Two nearly identically dressed blondes, one taller, with simply jaw-dropping hair extensions, both walking arm-in-arm with a hunk of man candy. Walking’s perhaps not quite the right word, but they were in… a very good mood, and they were even able to stay mostly upright.

The trio found their way into the elevator with us. Lots of cooing and giggling. Another woman hopped on, in the middle of a cellphone conversation. I was laughing to myself at how very stereotypically LA the entire scene was, when suddenly the taller blonde broke away from her crew, and announced to the entire elevator:

“Ohhhhhh! I’vvvvvvvvvvve beeeennnnnnnnnnnnnnnaaaahhh… verrrrrrrrrrry! baaaaaaaaad…… girrrrrrrrrrrl!”

That was a moment.

The woman with the cellphone falls silent. Thinks me, “Wow, she sounds JUST like Anna Nicole. I’ve never heard anyone else in the world who talks like that. I really wonder what drugs someone who sounds like that must use. ”

The elevator stops, and the trio flounce away.

The woman is now holding her cellphone at her side. Time has stopped. She looks at us and says “Was that?? Was that Anna Nicole?”

Of course, that was Anna Nicole. No one else in the world DOES talk like that. So maybe she went a little overboard with the Trimspa; despite the fantastic hair, she was looking a lot more teenaged Muriel Hemingway than hot Guess Jeans girl, but let’s face it, she’s got enough star power to stop a cellphone conversation totally cold.

And in this city, that still means something.

This is maybe 1/4 the contents of a smallish pellet. There are so many tiny bones, it’s hard to believe.

Anyway. File this one under Icky Stuff My Mom Wishes I Wouldn’t Do, Let Alone Take Pictures Of And Write About On The Internet:

Here’s a scan of three un-dissected pellets, note that the one on the bottom left is basically fur wrapped around a little rodent skull – those are teeth sticking out.

Sorry, Mom…

The fast way to dissect them is to drop one in a plastic cup with a hydrogen peroxide : water mix, about 1:4. Stronger than that and the more delicate bones can just dissolve. You can use toothpicks or dissecting tools to gently pry open the tiny bones inside. It’s nearly alarming how intact the bones remain: If you’re lucky, you can piece a whole skull together. So far I’ve seen a whole bunch of small rodent and vole parts, but if you’re really lucky you might find parts from a lizard or songbird.

Actually, I guess that depends on your definition of lucky. Anyway – it’s a highly educational type experience. I bought mine from American Science and Surplus. They came complete with a corny educational kit, including a plastic magnifying glass, an ancient mimeographed (yes, mimeographed) ID guide, and inexplicably, a florescent pink stencil toy.

I’ll scan some pictures soon.

First, the young whale spit regurgitated fish onto the surface of the water, then sank below the water and waited.

If a hungry gull landed on the water, the whale would surge up to the surface, sometimes catching a free meal of his own.

…Within a few months, the whale’s younger half brother adopted the practice. Eventually the behavior spread and now five Marineland whales supplement their diet with fresh fowl, the scientist said.